AMP Up Your Summer Fun and Learning!

Our Wise Parents, Wise Kids series is all about getting more out of the summer.  Awhile back, we had an idea-filled conversation with Dottie Miller, Teacher and Mom, and Angela Woodrow, Parent Advocate and Mom.  We discussed ways to easily and enjoyably turn our kids “Brain Drain” into “Brain Gain”.  We shared a lot of great ideas, so listen in on the recording: bit.ly/29gM7ei

The good thing about summer is that it is a break from the regular ‘grind’. The tricky part is to create a structure for the family that allows for relaxing and easy organizing of fun and engaging activities.

Here are my thoughts for inviting the whole family to get the most out of summer:

Grab a cool snack and call a family brainstorming meeting. Invite each person to share an idea or two he or she would still like to do in the days ahead . Discuss and jot down the best ideas and post them somewhere visible. As you do each one, be sure to check them off and see what else remains.
Towards the end of that meeting, you might also mention a few things you'd love to get done. The kids have probably outgrown clothes and may be ready to let go of some toys. Purging and reorganizing those items will get their rooms in better shape. Are there other projects inside the house or out in the yard you'd like to do?
Kids like to have a say in planning family fun. They appreciate having everyone listen to their ideas. Kids also like to know what family projects are coming up. Having a few days notice gives any "reluctant" helpers time to adjust to the idea of contributing. 

Watch for more great ways to engage your kids and enjoy your summer in other Wise Parents, Wise Kids conversations, including:

- A great summer resource that is free and fun: today's public library 
- "Yes" Day!  How one MOPS Mentor makes a summer day fun full of adventure 

- Geocaching-- a great way to explore your area on foot and introduce and refine your seek and search skills...what kid doesn't want to be on a treasure hunt? NOTE: this version is not POKEMON.

 

Share with me your thoughts and ideas for a great summer by connecting on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/janet.bonnin

Are You or A Loved One Feeling Overwhelmed?

Created by Carolyn Pachas - Guest Writer
 
Are you and your family feeling overwhelmed? I'm here today to share a story from Janet Bonnin's Tuesday Tips@2 video series. It involves Janet's wonderful mother-in-law, Gretchen, and her dear father-in-law, Jack. You can watch the video, above, or read my summary of it here:

Jack and Gretchen lived full and beautiful lives. Let me tell you some things that Gretchen did in her lifetime. She gave birth to and raised 10 kids on a teacher's salary in Louisiana. She got a college education and became a fantastic teacher. She volunteered in her local church and in other community activities. She had time to be there for her kids, even into their married years, when they were having their own kids. Gretchen was an amazing woman! 

When Janet's kids were little, she felt overwhelmed.  Not only at what was going on when they were little, but at the idea that her and her husband were not going to be living near any extended family who could help them, and they had a tough road ahead of them. She had her business, and her husband had his full-time career. 

Here's something Gretchen shared with Janet decades ago that helped her shift her way of thinking. Gretchen said she lived her life in stages. The first 20 years of her life was about growing up and getting her high school education. The second 20 years of life, she met and married her sweetheart. They had 10 wonderful kids together, spending many years raising them. The next 20 years she went back to school, got her teaching degree and had a career as an educator. The next 20 years were her retirement years. 

Janet and her husband's family lost Gretchen a few years ago, and miss her dearly. Gretchen lived a long, full life. She did beautiful, wonderful things by accepting her own WISDOM, which is:

"You can do many, many things in life - You just can't do them all at the same time." 

If you try to do it all at the same time, it often leads to overwhelming, huge amounts of stress and big issues in your family. 

Here are my thoughts: 

According to an article written by Daisy Wademan Dowling for the Harvard Business Review about working families, we should “Invest (our) time accordingly.” Working parents who have a clear view of what they’re working toward are more able to prune their calendars of commitments that don’t align and to spend time and energy on the things that matter and that provide real satisfaction (Wademan, 2018). 

Janet closes in here video by sharing:

"My call to action for you today is to sit down and make a list of the many things you and your family members are doing. Take a hard look at it. Are you doing too much? What can you do? What can you put off? What can you let go of, that will create the space - the mental, the physical, the emotional space for you to reconnect as a family, and for you to be there. Create the space to be there for your kids, to love them and raise them the way you want to do."

Carolyn Pachas-Guest Writer
 For Janet Bonnin

Family Growth Coach 

Janet Bonnin, Your Family Growth Coach, has worked with families since 2001 to deepen connections and improve communication, so all can lower stress and thrive.  Visit www.finetunedfamilies.com to learn how.

  

Wademan, D., (2018) How Working Parents Can Feel Less Overwhelmed and More in Control. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2018/01/how-working-parents-can-feel-less-overwhelmed-and-more-in-control

What We Need To Teach Our Kids After The Texas School Shootings (Updated)

After the horrific shootings of innocent students and faculty at Santa Fe High School and, earlier at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida, we've had much-needed discussions on how to prevent such a tragedy recurring.  The answers are complicated and will require both short and long-term solutions.  One thing we need to do is AVOID getting jaded by all this violence.  Our future lies in our kids and more and more of our kids are having trouble dealing with negative emotions like deep-seated anger.  

As a seasoned Family Coach and a fellow parent, these tragedies shake me to the core.  What can each of us do - especially those of us who are parents?  Wisdom from an article written by Psychologist Laura L. Hayes gets to the core of a major issue facing us individually, as families, in communities, and as a nation.  A few quotes from the article really stand out:

"We are a culture awash in anger....Violence is a product of compromised anger management skills...."

"Anger disorders are a product of long-term anger mismanagement. They are a pathological misdirection of normal aggressive feelings. Anger is, at its essence, a part of the basic biological reaction to danger, the fight or flight response...."

"The truth is, anger management skills are simple techniques that can and should be taught to children and adolescents. We should not wait to teach these skills until verbally or physically violent behavior has become habitual and, often, life-threatening...."

Here is what I'm offering to help you move from “Thinking” to “Doing”:

- GRAB my great 3 part "Overcoming Anger" freebie for you and your family here:  http://bit.ly/2kf6g7D

- JOIN US in conversation, learning and calls to action by giving the Fine-Tuned Families Facebook page a "LIKE" here:  http://bit.ly/2Cd63g6

Our Facebook community helps you prepare your kids for a happier and more resilient future.  I share wisdom, topics for discussion and calls to action.  You can share wisdom, support,and encouragement with your fellow parents.  Together, we'll help you take action and make decisions today that will better equip your kids for their futures. 

- SHARE this post with fellow parents who want to take a stand and transform their families and communities. 

How Do You Manage Your Family Member’s Chaotic Schedules?

Over the past several years, we’ve had a lot of wisdom shared with busy parents, especially through our “Wise Parents, Wise Kids” video chats.  I recently sat down to chat with Mary Beth Goodrich, Professor and Senior Lecturer at UT Dallas and mother of three, and with Gina Cruz, Owner and Director of Learning Rx San Antonio NE and mother of two.  They shared their thoughts on the challenges of juggling career, family, self-care, and more.  

The ideas covered can benefit you and your loved ones – whether you work full time outside home, full time within your family, or anywhere in-between.  One insightful idea that really helps Gina is using Google Calendar to keep up with each family member’s schedules and to plan where the kids will be and who is getting them there.

Don’t miss this!  Grab a pen and paper and listen to this great conversation here:  http://bit.ly/2yJfgr4

We all have goals and dreams for our families. One way to make sure they come to life is to talk about them and then create action steps that allow us to “aim for the ideal and deal with what’s real”.

Check out the many ways I can support you today in creating a better life for you and your loved ones here: http://bit.ly/2AJNI5H 

Doing This Will Help Your Family Thrive PLUS I Share an Inspiring Story!

"Take the long view: to think about the effects that something will have in the future instead of in the present. "              http://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/take-the-long-view

Identifying and embracing your family's long view (how your family wants to live EVEN when times are tough) helps you live out your values. Your family's long view helps inform your family how to respond and be proactive in all seasons of life. As parents, taking the long view is an important family philosophy AND life skill to cultivate.

Stephen Covey, author of international best seller, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, urges us to “be proactive” and to “begin with the end in mind”, (Habits One and Two) – which is key to taking the long view. Being proactive means you create and strive to live by a plan of action that you adjust as you move through your day, week, month and year. Beginning with the end in mind means you have an idea or a picture of where you want to go.  Otherwise, as Dr. David Campbell wisely covers in his book of the same title, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll probably end up somewhere else”.

I recently had the pleasure talking with Carol Graham, as a guest on her internationally famous podcast, Never Ever Give Up Hope.  In it, I shared some of the incredibly difficult season of our lives, where for my family, taking the long view was the way we made it through my son's life threatening accident and healing. We all had to keep the long view in mind as we navigated hospitals and the long road of various therapies and miraculous recovery . The blessing and good news is through recovery and some major adaptation, we continued to focus on the long view for our family and recently celebrated a significant milestone because of it.

Listen to me talk about our struggles and triumphs through my son’s near fatal car accident and recovery here:

http://neverevergiveuphopenet.blogspot.ca/2017/08/wouldnt-you-love-to-know-how-to-better.html

Every family walks a different path, and every family can cultivate a long view to help them grow strong and be strong in all seasons of life.

That is my passion—to help families flourish as they take the long view.

Use this great tool to design and embrace a long view in your loved ones:

www.finetunedfamilies.com/home/#powerful-vision-tool

Give A Parent You Love (Even Yourself) This Mindful Gift!

In this season of gift giving, sometimes the best gift for busy parents is the gift of time and real support to solve a pressing issue. Most don’t ask, but the gift of time and support to be able to focus on key issues and concerns is on the top of everyone’s list. Everyone needs encouragement and help. Parent Coach Janet Bonnin offers the DASH Coaching process to help busy parents connect and fine-tune their parenting skills. "Parent smarter not harder" is the goal for the DASH Coaching session.

Do you, or do you know of parents who could use some encouragement and support in helping their family flourish? Gifting this coaching package is a way to encourage and support parents you know, love and care about.  “Parent Smarter using the DASH model” -- a simple format to help parents navigate ‘mindful parenting in the middle of it all’ using the coach approach. Choose 1 topic that you really want help on, purchase the package, and Janet will help you work through it! This powerful package includes a Snapshot Assessment identifying where you are, the Map you design to move forward, 2 -45-minute Video Coaching sessions to help you get there, and, as a bonus, the Fine-Tuned Family Cycle tool! Click Here to order this mindful and most helpful gift for busy parents!

DASH Coaching Can Get You "There"!

Yogi Berra once said, “If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else”.

Are you headed in the right direction? When you call for Uber, your driver should always know how to quickly get you to your destination.

How do you get from ‘here to there’?

A plan helps you know where you are going. A plan can be as simple or as complex as you need it to be. A plan motivates, inspires and gives you a sense of direction.

If you have a goal, then you need a plan to help you map out the best route for making the goal a reality. Sounds simple...and yet so many people struggle to move to action on this.

Statistics show people who write down their goals have over an 80% higher success rate of achieving them.

Goals are to plans like compasses are to maps.

Goals are the destination, plans are the maps and compasses.

These are the tools to steer you in the right direction.

The Uber driver uses a map to plan the best way to get you to your destination. You too can use use a map to plan the best way to reach your goal. Your driver usually uses an app or a route plan. You can use a coach.

When you work with a coach you have

• Structure: With a coach, a client takes more actions, thinks bigger and gets more done, due to the context of support and encouragement for addressing goals and taking action.
• Expertise: A coach has skills and tools to assist the client in making better choices and decisions, setting clearer goals, and restructuring their professional and personal lives for maximum productivity and fulfillment.   
• Synergy: The client and coach become a team, focusing on the client’s goals and needs, and accomplishing more than the client would alone.  Accountability is a big part of this synergy -- the unique relationship between client and coach lends itself to a system of progress checks, which promotes big results!

DASH Coaching with Parent and Relationship Coach Janet Bonnin, allows you to focus on one thing. This powerful coaching process allows you to get clear on what is holding you back, identify the steps needed to resolve issues, and find the support to take action. 

Like the Uber driver uses a map or an app to take you to one place, DASH Coaching will allow you to define one focus area and make a plan that will help you head in the right direction.

So, where are you headed in the next 30 days?

Are you headed in a direction that will allow you to accomplish your goals?

Do you have a plan?

Do you need to call a coach?

Creating Christmas Calm

The Christmas season is a wonderful time of year for families, but it can also be pretty stressful and chaotic.  I’d like to share a simple idea to help you and your loved ones gain some peace and perspective on what to focus in the days ahead.

When my sons were in Boy Scouts, their troop had a practice to evaluate and improve how their campouts would run. They would gather and hold a “Stop, Start, Continue” discussion.  Here are the questions they’d discuss:

Continue – What did you like?  What do you want to keep doing?

Stop – What didn’t work so well?  What should we stop doing?

Start – What are some ideas to improve the way this runs and how much fun we have?

This approach can be applied throughout the year, but can be especially helpful during the busy holidays. Want to ensure you have a calm Christmas?

The simplest way to create calm is to:

STOP...multi tasking

Multi tasking IS NOT the way to create calm. Studies continue to show that multi-tasking drains energy and causes more stress than doing one or two simple things at a time.

Perhaps you are trying to put dinner on the table and read with your 1st grader...this is less than enjoyable for all. Set a timer and tell the little one you will read together...with nothing else going on for 20 minutes. Then you will focus on making dinner for 20 minutes. This is also known as setting boundaries. Help everyone in your family be calm by respecting boundaries and stopping the multi-tasking myth.

STOP the multi-tasking.  All of these things are not equally urgent - do what is important and let things go until later—or ask for some help. 

 

START with the end in mind:  What do you want “Bake Christmas cookies” to really look and feel like? Are you going for “Martha Stewart cookies” or would three-dozen cookies the same shape with three different colors of sugar sprinkled on the top be okay?  If you need a showstopper, have you allotted enough time and other resources to complete the task? 

 

CONTINUE to lavish love, create memories, and remember to BREATHE!

You may even consider creating a quiet night: Create one by turning off the electronics and reading a story together, like the story of Jesus’s birth or the classic story ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’.

Using soft jingle bells taps into the season and allows little ones (and big ones) to learn how to control sounds. For tweens and teens: ask them to commit to a silent night. No electronics - focus on playing a game, doing a puzzle, reading silently in a room together. If your home can accommodate it, create a fire in the fireplace and encourage all to sit and listen to the snap crackle and pop.

Thinking through your holiday celebrations using the “Stop, Start, Continue” approach, what changes might you want to make in your family’s lives?  What might your family members suggest?

Christmas and other holiday celebrations don’t have to be chaotic and overwhelming. Follow the “Stop, Start, Continue” approach this holiday season and help your family Christmas to be calm.

Identifying Stress in Your Life

Stress, and especially chronic stress, is a silent killer. Scientists are increasingly finding that chronic stress is linked to a variety of health conditions, including cardiovascular disease, hypertension, Alzheimer’s disease, and can even accelerate aging. Because of the serious health outcomes that can occur from unmanaged chronic stress, it is important to get it under control sooner rather than later. Here are some of the signs and symptoms you can look for to identify stress in your life, and in the lives of those your loved ones.

Depression- Depression is complex, but it is often a symptom of unresolved, unrelieved stress. Excessive stress can make you feel unaccomplished - there's just too much to do - and that can result in feelings of worthlessness. Also, since stress can affect sleep, your mind and body can become exhausted. Without adequate rest, the brain cannot function optimally.

Difficulty concentrating- "Brain fog" can result from stress. You may find it difficult to stick to a task without your mind wandering. Again, this can be interpreted as your brain trying to get the rest it needs by "escaping."

Insomnia- This is perhaps one of the more torturous stress symptoms. Insomnia is very difficult to deal with and adds to the cycle of stress. If you can't sleep, it can begin a cascade of cyclic symptoms that result from lack of sleep, and then exacerbate the lack of sleep.

Feeling overwhelmed- Stress can make everything seem bigger. When you are stressed, it seems like there is just too much to do and you'll never get it done. Then you may feel inadequate because you didn't accomplish everything that needed to be done during the day.

Withdrawal- Do you find yourself too worn out to go out? If someone asks you to a party or event, do you just think of it as one more thing you'll have to deal with? That may mean you're stressed.

Chronic stress plays a role in causing or exacerbating many health conditions. Here are a few stress-related health issues:

Headaches- Headaches caused by stress are said to be tension-type headaches, or TTH. Medical professionals say that TTHs result from circulatory fluctuations and muscle tension.

Heart irregularities- Stress affects the heart - it's supposed to, so that your chances of survival are increased in a stressful situation. But when the stress is continual, your heart can really get "tired out." Heart disease is being linked to stress. The heart and overall circulatory system may be affected by stress to the point of exacerbating or even causing disease or dysfunction.

Weight gain or loss- Your appetite may fluctuate significantly if you are stressed, resulting in weight gain or loss that you weren't expecting. Depression and insomnia can contribute to weight gain, too, and some experts theorize that fat, especially on the belly, can actually be a sign of stress.

Other Signs of Stress- Digestive disorders can be a sign of stress. These can range from abdominal pain to chronic diarrhea. Hair loss may also result from chronic stress. Experts say that chronic stress exhausts the immune system, leaving you open to infection and sickness. Chronic back, neck and joint pain that is difficult to identify may result from chronic stress.

Just reading about stress can cause stress, right?  So what can we do to reduce our stress levels and better deal with all we choose to do?  I’ve created a powerful tip sheet “Stress-Busters for Mom and Dad.”  Email “Stress Busters” to Janet@finetunedfamilies.com and I’ll send it right out to you.  Start busting down your stress today!

5 Simple Stress-Busting Tips for Working Parents by Working Parents

Being a working parent is a special responsibility that is shared by millions of individuals around the globe. It can be highly stressful, but is made easier by the fact that many working parents are willing to share from their experiences. If you are a parent who is new to the world of holding down a full-time job while parenting, you will be able to glean some wise advice and great tips from all the others who have gone before you.

Set a Specific Time for Each Activity- We all know the feeling of making a list of all we need to do in the day, and then finding ourselves at the end of the day having accomplished almost nothing. If you want to complete your tasks with a minimal amount of wasted time, a great way is to set a specific amount of time for each task on your list.

Make a list of everything you need to do each day. For example, as your day progresses, set the timer for 30 minutes of homework help with each child, 20 minutes of kitchen clean-up after supper, 10 minutes of reading before bedtime, and 45 minutes of work that found itself coming home from the office with you. Be strict with each task as any of them can easily overtake your entire day or evening if left unregulated.

Use a Central Calendar- You will begin to grow confused if you try to keep work and parenting matters on separate calendars. Because all of your life activities cannot help but overlap at some point, stop confusion in its tracks by keeping one main calendar for everything. This can be either a scheduling app on your smartphone or a hard copy calendar if you prefer that, but stick to one and keep things simple.

Ask Your Boss for Job Flexibility- Nowadays, there are many parents working and this has led to more options for those who do. Working parents often have the flexibility to work from home, at least part time. There are other options such as job sharing and working flexible hours. The key is in asking, because if you never approach your boss about the situation, he or she will never know what you were hoping for.

Accept the Help of Others- Parenting is a balancing act regardless of whether you work outside the home or not. As working parents, however, you face challenges that deem it necessary to involve your personal community in the upbringing of your children. Be willing to put aside your pride and accept offers for things such as rides and childcare for your kids. This can free up your time and resources so that it is not as tough to balance all your responsibilities.

Have a Childcare Backup Plan- Although you may be organized and reliable, you cannot always expect perfection from others. There may be times when your childcare provider is unable to keep your child on a particular day, for whatever reason. Be ready for these circumstances by having at least one backup plan, and preferably more than one in place for any unexpected changes.

Being a successful working parent means being prepared to face the many curve-balls that life is sure to throw your way. Be prepared for any unexpected situation and you will be one step ahead of the game. Take into account these tips from working parents, and your children and job will be well looked after.

What is the Families of The Way Ministry?

Gone are the days when parents can say a few prayers with their children, drop them off for occasional faith-building activities at church, and  reasonably hope their children will grow up to know and love the Lord and be actively involved in the wonderful family that is His church.

Parents are the primary role models of their children, yet many feel ill-prepared to pass on the love of Jesus Christ and a true appreciation for His church. In today's complex and challenging world, parents also need support to grow in critical family life skills.

The Families of The Way program combines and connects spiritual growth, daily faith practices and the strengthening of parenting, communication and other important life skills.  In a welcoming church environment, parents benefit from discussions and exercises that are relevant to their spiritual growth and to the mindful raising of their sons and daughters. 

We are also building an electronic network of like-minded Christian parents and other loved ones to pray, to discuss, to explore and to grow ourselves to better raise our children, who are our future here on earth, and to set their feet on the path to a never-ending relationship with God.

Please join and support us today by visiting https://www.facebook.com/familiesoftheway, hitting the “LIKE” button, and sharing your thoughts and prayers.

Working ON Your family Not Just IN Your Family

What do you dream of for each of your children?  How are you going to help them get there? The start of a new year is a perfect time to take a step back and look at what matters most in our lives, seeking to make things better.

Successful business owners take time periodically to look at the big picture in their businesses, to set some goals to work towards, and to identify areas that need improvement.  The common phrase for this process is “working ON the business, not just working IN the business”.

With the complexity of the lives of most American families, we as parents can definitely benefit from “working ON the family, not just IN the family”.  Our kids face a lot of challenges in their growing up years.  From an early age, schools expect better social interactions and behavior of our kids and also set higher learning standards for them.  We are challenged to allow our kids access and mastery of all types of electronics, while still preserving our kids’ youth and innocence.  Teens and young adults are facing a much more difficult battle for part-time and full-time employment.  The parenting decisions and skills we use with our kids now, however young they are, not only have an impact on their present but also on their future lives.

Join us to work ON your family and to work ON your parenting skills in the upcoming “Becoming a Love and Logic Parent” classes beginning January 16, 2013.  Click here for more information and to register.  Classes start in a few days and there are only a few spots left, so contact me today!

Summer Vacations Rock!

I hope your summer is off to a great start. We just returned from a wonderful family vacation in Galveston, Texas. This was definitely low-key and just what my family needed to restore ourselves and reconnect. This past school year was soooo busy with three teens in three different schools and involved in various activities.

We tried something new this year. My family traded houses with one of my husband's brothers and his wife. They spent time traveling in the beautiful Hill Country area of Texas. We got to enjoy time at the beach, fishing and just hanging out.

We also enjoyed the added advantage of a low-cost vacation away from home. Before leaving, we each made sure to thoroughly clean and straighten our homes. Each family also stocked the house with basic food and other staples. We exchanged keys and emergency contact numbers. And then we just relaxed and enjoyed the vacation!

Do you have a friend or family member who might like to trade houses? Your family could renew, reconnect AND enjoy an easy, low cost vacation.

Taking Time to Reconnect and Renew

This past weekend, John and I enjoyed a wonderful overnight trip to the nearby Hill Country town of Fredricksburg. The wildflowers were in full bloom and the recent rains have transformed the gently rolling countryside. We visited a local winery and enjoyed listening to the "Almost Patsy Cline Band", taking an occasional spin on the outside dance floor. After dining at a local restaurant, we enjoyed a night in a quaint little cabin overlooking a beautiful valley. This trip had it all – a peaceful setting to reconnect, time away from our obligations, short travel times, low costs, and just the right mix of enjoyable activities.


Taking time to reconnect as a couple or for self-care if one is single is of paramount importance in the midst of tending our numerous roles as parent, spouse, worker and volunteer. Best-selling author and psychologist John Rosemond says that one of the best gifts we can give our children is to focus on keeping our marriages strong. In the case of a single parent raising his or her children, the best gift the parent can give is to take good care of himself or herself. While this may be challenging to pull off, time spent away can help the single parent or the couple to relax and renew. In either case, the parents return to their families better able to offer the love, patience and attention kids need to grow and thrive.

Share a comment:  What do you do to reconnect and renew?