Thursday, June 18, 2020

Build Great Memories with Great Conversations! Here's a Free Gift for Dad and The Family!

There is a great gift for Dads (and all the family) on my website -- Great Conversation Starters…
Powerful conversations start with questions that are positive, and encourage a response beyond a ‘one word’ answer. Knowing how to ask a question is important so you can open the door to dialogue and conversation.

When you ask your child a good question for a conversation starter—you should practice your good listening skills to ensure your child learns to value sharing their thoughts and feelings with you. Good listening is an important resiliency skill to model. You have to practice…not just preach.

My free gift (http://www.finetunedfamilies.com/father-s-day-gift) gives you the conversations starters directions and examples around:
•Asking an open-ended question (to dream, problem solve, or to forecast).
•Asking a specific conversation question (to connect, to get information, or to plan).

Here are two simple guidelines on how to use great conversations starters:

Guideline #1  You have two ears and one mouth.
This is the perfect ratio to help you remember to listen twice as much as you talk.
Ask the question, then be quiet. Sit so you can lean in and share your interest in hearing the answer.

            A. Make sure your phone is off/ put away or in another room.                                                        Obvious…and yet time and time again, I remind folks to practice electronic free conversations…the old fashioned way - face-to-face.
            
            B. Mind your ABC’s of good listening:
                        Attend with genuine attention
                        Be responsive to what is said
                        Care about the other person
                        Don’t interrupt
                        Encourage the person to say more ….

Guideline #2 Active Constructive Response builds, strengthens, & maintains important relationships.
            A. Ask follow up questions that show enthusiasm and the desire to hear more
     details.
            B. Choose constructive responses over destructive response.


                 This handy chart explains what active listening is and is not:
Constructive
Destructive
Active
Show authentic interest & support
Bring up negative points, or correct their version of the sharing
Passive
Distracted or understated support
‘One upping' distracts from the sharing


Check out  my free gift now at 

Happy Father’s Day…may all your conversations with your kids be great today!

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Physical Activities That Help Build Healthy Resiliency in Families


Physical Activities That Help Build Healthy Resiliency 

By Carolyn Pachas-Guest Writer


Hello everyone, last blog we covered the steps to take for a healthy resiliency. One of those steps was physical recreation. According to a research team based at Princeton University, physical activity reorganizes the brain so that its response to stress is reduced and anxiety is less likely to interfere with normal brain function. On the same report, it mentioned that physical exercise is known to reduce anxiety. 


"Physical activity reorganizes the brain so that its response to stress is reduced and anxiety is less likely to interfere with normal brain function."


Taking the scientific part aside, I know doing exercise and sports makes us all feel good. For my own experience, the day I get up in a bad mood, or with no desire to perform my daily duties, a little bit of morning exercise, gives me a powerful boost to continue my routine. A second thing I notice after exercising, is that I end up with a positive feeling that I can do anything. One thing I saw on children that play sports, is that they grow up feeling good about themselves, and have a go-getter mentality. The emphasis in sports to win at games, to make sure we defeat our opponent, allows us to become strong competitors in our professional careers. Another positive note on sports and exercise, is that it creates the sense of being able to accomplish anything, and feel good about ourselves, boosting self-esteem. One example is Muhammed Ali. His constant phrases in public of “I am powerful,” “I am beautiful,” helped him feel good about himself, and not let discrimination, the pressures of competition, and his handlers get in the way of his success as a professional boxer.
Anything that gets kids moving is stellar, but of course, if you can make it fun that pretty much grants you hero status.

Here are a few things you can do with your child to exercise and have a healthy resiliency:


For children 1-7 years old:

         throw a Frisbee; 

         kick a ball;  

         give a hula-hoop a spin; 

         dance stars;  

         walk the dog;

         play with the dog;

         potato sack jumping competition

         running competition
• superhero tag (the tagged one stands in the middle of a circle on the ground, a superhero saves them by using their superhero powers to fly with running feet through the circle); 
• detective (in the park or backyard … first one to find five things that are green; or five things starting with ‘s’; or seven things that could be used for dress-ups; or ten things that smell gorgeous – ready, set, go!).


For children 7 years old and older:

         All of the games above, and sports like baseball, soccer, football, basketball, hockey, swimming, any martial arts, gymnastics, etc.

         A walk with the family around the neighborhood after dinner.

         A Sunday afternoon walk in a nearby park.

I hope these physical activities are helpful to build a healthy resiliency in your children. In the next blog I will discuss how to build positive relationships. 

If you have any other physical activities that have helped your family, please share in the comments. Also, if you found this blog valuable, please share it in your social media, your friends and family can benefit from this resource. 


Carolyn Pachas is a guest writer for Janet Bonnin. She has worked with families for more than 12 years providing parenting courses, and giving assistance in her own community. She is a professional communicator, and a writer.

Janet Bonnin, Your Family Growth Coach, has worked with families since 2001 to deepen connections and improve communication, so all can lower stress and thrive.  Visit www.finetunedfamilies.com to learn how.


References:


Schoenfeld, T., Rada, P., Pieruzzini, P., Hsueh B., & Gould, E. (2013). Physical Exercise Prevents Stress-Induced Activation of Granule Neurons and Enhances Local Inhibitory Mechanisms in the Dentate Gyrus Retrieved from http://www.jneurosci.org/content/33/18/7770

Young, K., (2018). Building Resilience in Children – 20 Practical, Powerful Strategies (Backed by Science) Retrieved from https://www.heysigmund.com/building-resilience-children/

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Steps Families Can Take To Have a Healthy Resiliency




The Steps to take for a Healthy Resiliency:


By Carolyn Pachas-Guest Writer

Hi everyone, last blog I talked the meaning of resiliency, and today I want to talk about the steps to take for a healthy resiliency.

In the book called, "Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life's Greatest Challenges," Dr. Dennis Charney's work gives us the steps to healthy resiliency as:

the positive view of yourself

a.   developing confidence in yourself

b.   ability to solve problems

c.    trusting instincts

2.   Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which is a kind of treatment that focuses on resilience by:

 Examining relationships between thoughts, feelings, and behavior.

3.   Embrace a moral compass which is the inner sense that:

a.   guides a person’s decisions

b.   in deciding what is right from what is wrong

c.    functions as a guide for morally appropriate behavior

4.   Develop a set of core beliefs that very few things can shatter

5.   Have a role model

Someone to look up to, admire and want to emulate

6.   Develop active coping skills

a.   behaviors, thoughts, emotions

b.   adjust to changes that occur in your life

7.   Create positive statements about oneself and seek support from others when necessary.

8.   Make connections

a.   friends and family

b.   accepting help strengthens resiliency

9.   Physical Recreation

a.   an effective way of maintaining emotional health and resiliency

b.   Things like running, team sports, yoga, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation.

Another body that focuses on how to establish a healthy resiliency is the military. Under the United States Army Comprehensive Soldier Fitness analyzed by Colonel Richard Franklin Timmons II, there are five pillars to follow:

·       Emotional Fitness, Family Fitness, Physical Fitness, Social Fitness, and Spiritual Fitness.



Notice how the emotional fitness was the first one, and the family is the second. Each included support. The supportive, loving environment was mentioned as important parameters for a soldier to have a strong capacity to endure difficult situations in the battlefield.



In the next blog, I will cover activities you can do with your children to develop self-confidence, and establish good relationships.



If this blog helped you, or if you would like to comment on the box below, please do. Share this blog with your friends and family on your social media. We want to help others have a healthy resiliency. Thank you for reading and sharing


Carolyn Pachas is a guest writer for Janet Bonnin. She has worked with families for more than 12 years providing parenting courses, and giving assistance in her own community. She is a professional communicator, and a writer.

Janet Bonnin, Your Family Growth Coach, has worked with families since 2001 to deepen connections and improve communication, so all can lower stress and thrive.  Visit www.finetunedfamilies.com to learn how.



Resources:

Charney, D. & Southwick, S. (2018).  Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life's Greatest Challenges (1)

Timmons, Col. R. (2013). The United States Army Comprehensive Soldier Fitness Retrieved from http://www.dtic.mil/dtic/tr/fulltext/u2/a590241.pdf