AMP Up Your Summer Fun and Learning!

Our Wise Parents, Wise Kids series is all about getting more out of the summer.  Awhile back, we had an idea-filled conversation with Dottie Miller, Teacher and Mom, and Angela Woodrow, Parent Advocate and Mom.  We discussed ways to easily and enjoyably turn our kids “Brain Drain” into “Brain Gain”.  We shared a lot of great ideas, so listen in on the recording: bit.ly/29gM7ei

The good thing about summer is that it is a break from the regular ‘grind’. The tricky part is to create a structure for the family that allows for relaxing and easy organizing of fun and engaging activities.

Here are my thoughts for inviting the whole family to get the most out of summer:

Grab a cool snack and call a family brainstorming meeting. Invite each person to share an idea or two he or she would still like to do in the days ahead . Discuss and jot down the best ideas and post them somewhere visible. As you do each one, be sure to check them off and see what else remains.
Towards the end of that meeting, you might also mention a few things you'd love to get done. The kids have probably outgrown clothes and may be ready to let go of some toys. Purging and reorganizing those items will get their rooms in better shape. Are there other projects inside the house or out in the yard you'd like to do?
Kids like to have a say in planning family fun. They appreciate having everyone listen to their ideas. Kids also like to know what family projects are coming up. Having a few days notice gives any "reluctant" helpers time to adjust to the idea of contributing. 

Watch for more great ways to engage your kids and enjoy your summer in other Wise Parents, Wise Kids conversations, including:

- A great summer resource that is free and fun: today's public library 
- "Yes" Day!  How one MOPS Mentor makes a summer day fun full of adventure 

- Geocaching-- a great way to explore your area on foot and introduce and refine your seek and search skills...what kid doesn't want to be on a treasure hunt? NOTE: this version is not POKEMON.

 

Share with me your thoughts and ideas for a great summer by connecting on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/janet.bonnin

Setting S-M-A-A-R-T Goals for Your Family

By Angela K Woodrow,  
Updated by Janet Bonnin

Want to know the secret to achieving your goals / dreams / wishes / desires?

It is all about being intentional. When you are aware of what it takes to get something done, know the steps, know the cost (time, talent and resources) - then getting it done is focused and intentional and the results are always good!

Think of it this way...did any athlete or successful business person get up out of bed one day and say ‘ta-da’ goal accomplished? No. Truth be told, there are always setbacks. When you have a plan that is clear and descriptive, even the setbacks can be leveraged to help you accomplish your goals.  Lets look at the steps to help you and your family get ready to flourish with goal setting:

When you are making a goal, it needs to be a S-M-A-A-R-T goal.  In the Fine-Tuned Families community, this stands for:

•  Specific

•  Measurable

•  Actions

•  Accountability (the "Secret Sauce" that helps us attain our goals)

•  Resources

•  Time Table

A goal can simple, such as “Eat a meal together”.  Is that too easy? Actually, it is not specific enough.  The goal is announced, but the people participating in making it a reality don’t have a concept of how to accomplish it.

So first it must be Specific:

“Eat breakfast together”.  The meal is defined. The goal of eating a meal together is defined as the first meal of the day.

To make the goal have some strength, it must be Measurable:

“Eat breakfast together two times a week.”  Now, the specifics can be measured.  It may be Saturday and Sunday...or it may be a quick breakfast stop mid- week at the local coffee shop-- what a way to motivate those young teens out of bed! When a plan needs to be adjusted you have 5 other days to choose from to help you meet the desired goal. 

Actions: What actions do you need to take?

•  Set the alarm

•  Go to bed a bit earlier the night before

•  Set up a budget to help you manage the cost of eating breakfast out once a week

Accountability: This is the "Secret Sauce" in taking goal setting to realization.  There are a number of ways you may create some accountability in your plans.  The first is to ask someone to be your accountability partner.  Who are you going to report to regarding your success or the need to adjust the goal setting strategy?  Another way to hold yourself accountable may be by creating your own checklist.  Still another could be journaling about your progress, what you discover and your successes.

Resources: This category may seem to overlap with Actions as set out above. But, like painting a room, the more prep the better the result! Naming and claiming who will do what is just as important as naming the action.  Who actually will do the cooking or set up and then the clean up or shopping? 

Looking at the ‘big picture’, allows you to hash out a successful goal reaching strategy.  Double checking your thinking may make the difference between getting a jump on the reaching your goal versus falling into the rut of "flash starts and weak finishes". (Also known as the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different result.)

Time table: This is an important and often ignored part of successful goal reaching, the awareness of time - what is a reasonable length of time to work on this goal? When is the best time to start - now or the week kids have off school so that accomplishing the goal is enjoyable and gives the kids motivation not to linger in ‘non-routine’ moments.

Taking the time as a family to set S-M-A-A-R-T Goals; to really organize, plan and implement the goal allows your family to celebrate success and know how to move forward in planning the next goal, such as: “Eating 2 meals a day together 3 days a week!”

Enjoy creating and achieving S-M-A-A-R-T Goals this year with your flourishing family!

The Lady Banksia Rose story and taking the "Long View"

Spring is in the air and I've got another Fine-Tuned Family minute here.  Let me know how you have or will take the "Long View" in parenting your kids:

 If you prefer to read instead of watching a video, here is the transcript:

Hi, Parent Coach Janet Bonnin here of Fine-Tuned Families and The Families of the Way Ministry. This beautiful plant behind me is called a Lady Banksia Rose. It's about 20 years old. It's twice as tall as I am and equally wide around, and it has gorgeous blooms on it every spring.

I was looking at it the other day and realized this is a great metaphor for taking the long view in the raising of our kids. This plan required a lot of TLC when it was little, and has required regular care over the years. Likewise, when we're raising our children, we need to not only take care of what's right in front of us, the issues at hand, but we also need to take a long view in identifying the skills and talents that our kids need to acquire in order to be as happy and well-adjusted and successful as possible as adults.

My husband and I often get complimented on how well our kids turned out. And I can tell you it wasn't by chance. We had to take the long view. So join me, connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn as Janet Bonnin or Fine-Tuned Families or Families of the Way, and let me know what you are already doing to take the long view, and what you will do to take the long view. And please do me a favor and share this video with other parents that you know, who might like to be part of the conversation. Take care!

What We Need To Teach Our Kids After The Texas School Shootings (Updated)

After the horrific shootings of innocent students and faculty at Santa Fe High School and, earlier at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida, we've had much-needed discussions on how to prevent such a tragedy recurring.  The answers are complicated and will require both short and long-term solutions.  One thing we need to do is AVOID getting jaded by all this violence.  Our future lies in our kids and more and more of our kids are having trouble dealing with negative emotions like deep-seated anger.  

As a seasoned Family Coach and a fellow parent, these tragedies shake me to the core.  What can each of us do - especially those of us who are parents?  Wisdom from an article written by Psychologist Laura L. Hayes gets to the core of a major issue facing us individually, as families, in communities, and as a nation.  A few quotes from the article really stand out:

"We are a culture awash in anger....Violence is a product of compromised anger management skills...."

"Anger disorders are a product of long-term anger mismanagement. They are a pathological misdirection of normal aggressive feelings. Anger is, at its essence, a part of the basic biological reaction to danger, the fight or flight response...."

"The truth is, anger management skills are simple techniques that can and should be taught to children and adolescents. We should not wait to teach these skills until verbally or physically violent behavior has become habitual and, often, life-threatening...."

Here is what I'm offering to help you move from “Thinking” to “Doing”:

- GRAB my great 3 part "Overcoming Anger" freebie for you and your family here:  http://bit.ly/2kf6g7D

- JOIN US in conversation, learning and calls to action by giving the Fine-Tuned Families Facebook page a "LIKE" here:  http://bit.ly/2Cd63g6

Our Facebook community helps you prepare your kids for a happier and more resilient future.  I share wisdom, topics for discussion and calls to action.  You can share wisdom, support,and encouragement with your fellow parents.  Together, we'll help you take action and make decisions today that will better equip your kids for their futures. 

- SHARE this post with fellow parents who want to take a stand and transform their families and communities. 

Reduce Stress & Create Postive, Lasting Change!

What does it look like to EASE your way into the New Year while creating positive, lasting changes?  What does it look like to gently pursue your goals for 2018, without adding undo stress to your already busy lives?

Let’s look at an example, using my weight loss goals.  If you are like me, you may have enjoyed the holidays a bit too much - in the area of eating lots of delicious foods.  One of my goals for 2018 is to lose the few pounds I gained over the holidays, plus about 20 pounds more! 

   

Wisdom from health experts and my own experience have taught me that I can take two routes.  The more stressful and less successful one will be to cut way back on calories and really ramp up my exercise.  This leads to me feeling starved and deprived and can lead to injuries.  In other words, I’d be setting myself up to fail.  On the other hand, if I EASE my way into this – cutting back gradually and eating healthier foods, along with increasing my exercise levels a bit at a time, I’m much more likely to embrace and create lasting healthier habits.

We spent a good bit of 2017 in our community talking about adopting a Marathon Mindset (also known as Taking the Long View) in how we raise our kids.  Each year, we have a whole 365 days to make changes and growth and develop new strengths. Let’s pace ourselves and make the change lasting and effective for the long haul. 

So ask yourself:  What gentle adjustments can I make over the next several weeks that helps my family EASE toward our goals??  How can I break down these large goals into manageable steps that don’t put additional stress and pressure on us?

I’ve got a great way to engage your loved ones in creating a vision for your family, identify what matters most and identify a few areas to gently work towards better habits.  

Click this link and I’ll send it right out to you: http://vid.us/8n752w

 

I know you and your family will enjoy the engaging conversations and activities and feel proud of your Family Vision Board and Values Exercise!

Need Gift Ideas For Your Loved Ones? I Can Help!

With three kids and numerous other loved ones to buy for, Christmas and birthdays are often a challenge for me.  Over the years, I’ve realized everyone is happier if we spend a bit of time planning and shopping around. 

First, let’s focus on your mindset.  Decide a budget and number of gifts and stick to it!  Try to release any guilty feelings – most of our kids have too much already, right? Also, DON'T expect every gift to be a hit – what pleases one kid will turn off another. 

Decide what you’d like to encourage with each gift. Examples are a love of reading, love of learning, creativity, getting outside and being active.  Spread the gifts around in different categories like books, bikes, board games, computer games, outdoor toys, etc. The variety is important for their development and they will appreciate the variety over time. Consider non-traditional and homemade items.  You might create a coupon book with passes for specific events they would like – “free coupon for ice cream with Dad”, “free coupon for playing cards with Mom”.

Here are some gift ideas by category:

             - Books – Giving kids books at Christmas and birthdays encourages a love of reading.  Look for lists of award winning books, such as Texas Bluebonnet awards, Newberry and Caldecott Medals. In addition to popular books, consider classic, age appropriate books like the Dr. Seuss books and “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe” series.

             - Educational gifts – Giving kids educational items at Christmas and birthdays encourages a love of learning.

             - Science projects, art supplies, hands on projects, fun and messy things

Kids get a lot of benefits developmentally out of hands on, messy, creative projects – it encourages their curiosity and creativity; educators highly encourage this sort of play.

Consider a science book or simple kit with at-home experiments. For artists, create a kit with paints, brushes, an apron and an easel.

            -  Hobby items – Look for kits or other items from your local craft stores.

             - Fun, active gifts – Get out there and play with your kids with kites, frisbees, scooters, and soccer balls.

            -  Classic gifts – These are classics because of their lasting play-ability.  Slinky, dominoes, play doh and playing cards are great examples.

            -  Board games - Try to choose games that most of the family can and will play and schedule special game nights.

            - Electronics – If you are like most of us, you will choose to give your kids some electronics.  If so, make sure it is age-appropriate.  Ratings (P, PG, PG-13, etc) are there for a reason.  Otherwise, this can start to snowball on you.  Use ratings as a guide and then read up on product reviews and check with other parents to make a final decision.

            - Gift certificates – As I mentioned above, create a coupon book for special times with mom, dad, and other loved ones.

Here are some of my favorite websites:

Toy and game reviews:

http://www.toyportfolio.com/                Oppenheim Toy Portfolio 

http://www.toymanglobal.com/pr.php#!/pageReviews

https://ttpm.com/                                 From Time to Play Magazine

GOOGLE "TIA Toys of the year 2017" to see toys that won awards for 2017 awarded by the Toy Industry Association

Educational Software Reviews:

http://www.toptenreviews.com/software/education/

http://www.softwareforkids.com

http://www.superkids.com

Great websites with unique gifts:

http://www.spilsbury.com                    3D puzzles, unique games, crafts

http://www.youngexplorers.com          Great selection of educational and fun toys

http://www.hearthsong.com                Unique toys and crafts

www.scholastic.com                           Great books and other items

www.highlights.com                            Books and fun, educational toys and crafts

http://www.hobbytown.com                 Variety of items for older kids, great hobby sets and games

https://www.fatbraintoys.com              Educational and fun

AMAZON.COM is a great place to see what other parents think.

REMEMBER – If, like me, you want the focus to be more on celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, exercise a bit of restraint in how much you give your kids. We encouraged the attitude in our kids of "look at the great gifts you got from everyone" rather than "I don't like this" or "why didn't I get more gifts".  Otherwise, like Harry Potter's cousin Dudley, they'll count and compare and complain instead of appreciating what they get!

Please share this post with other parents who might find it helpful.  Merry Christmas and happy holidays!