Need Gift Ideas For Your Loved Ones? I Can Help!

With three kids and numerous other loved ones to buy for, Christmas and birthdays are often a challenge for me.  Over the years, I’ve realized everyone is happier if we spend a bit of time planning and shopping around. 

First, let’s focus on your mindset.  Decide a budget and number of gifts and stick to it!  Try to release any guilty feelings – most of our kids have too much already, right? Also, DON'T expect every gift to be a hit – what pleases one kid will turn off another. 

Decide what you’d like to encourage with each gift. Examples are a love of reading, love of learning, creativity, getting outside and being active.  Spread the gifts around in different categories like books, bikes, board games, computer games, outdoor toys, etc. The variety is important for their development and they will appreciate the variety over time. Consider non-traditional and homemade items.  You might create a coupon book with passes for specific events they would like – “free coupon for ice cream with Dad”, “free coupon for playing cards with Mom”.

Here are some gift ideas by category:

             - Books – Giving kids books at Christmas and birthdays encourages a love of reading.  Look for lists of award winning books, such as Texas Bluebonnet awards, Newberry and Caldecott Medals. In addition to popular books, consider classic, age appropriate books like the Dr. Seuss books and “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe” series.

             - Educational gifts – Giving kids educational items at Christmas and birthdays encourages a love of learning.

             - Science projects, art supplies, hands on projects, fun and messy things

Kids get a lot of benefits developmentally out of hands on, messy, creative projects – it encourages their curiosity and creativity; educators highly encourage this sort of play.

Consider a science book or simple kit with at-home experiments. For artists, create a kit with paints, brushes, an apron and an easel.

            -  Hobby items – Look for kits or other items from your local craft stores.

             - Fun, active gifts – Get out there and play with your kids with kites, frisbees, scooters, and soccer balls.

            -  Classic gifts – These are classics because of their lasting play-ability.  Slinky, dominoes, play doh and playing cards are great examples.

            -  Board games - Try to choose games that most of the family can and will play and schedule special game nights.

            - Electronics – If you are like most of us, you will choose to give your kids some electronics.  If so, make sure it is age-appropriate.  Ratings (P, PG, PG-13, etc) are there for a reason.  Otherwise, this can start to snowball on you.  Use ratings as a guide and then read up on product reviews and check with other parents to make a final decision.

            - Gift certificates – As I mentioned above, create a coupon book for special times with mom, dad, and other loved ones.

Here are some of my favorite websites:

Toy and game reviews:

http://www.toyportfolio.com/                Oppenheim Toy Portfolio 

http://www.toymanglobal.com/pr.php#!/pageReviews

https://ttpm.com/                                 From Time to Play Magazine

GOOGLE "TIA Toys of the year 2017" to see toys that won awards for 2017 awarded by the Toy Industry Association

Educational Software Reviews:

http://www.toptenreviews.com/software/education/

http://www.softwareforkids.com

http://www.superkids.com

Great websites with unique gifts:

http://www.spilsbury.com                    3D puzzles, unique games, crafts

http://www.youngexplorers.com          Great selection of educational and fun toys

http://www.hearthsong.com                Unique toys and crafts

www.scholastic.com                           Great books and other items

www.highlights.com                            Books and fun, educational toys and crafts

http://www.hobbytown.com                 Variety of items for older kids, great hobby sets and games

https://www.fatbraintoys.com              Educational and fun

AMAZON.COM is a great place to see what other parents think.

REMEMBER – If, like me, you want the focus to be more on celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, exercise a bit of restraint in how much you give your kids. We encouraged the attitude in our kids of "look at the great gifts you got from everyone" rather than "I don't like this" or "why didn't I get more gifts".  Otherwise, like Harry Potter's cousin Dudley, they'll count and compare and complain instead of appreciating what they get!

Please share this post with other parents who might find it helpful.  Merry Christmas and happy holidays!

Your Kids Got Gratitude? Get Ideas and Inspiration for it HERE!

"Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy and change ordinary opportunities into blessings." -- William Arthur Ward

As parents, we desire that our kids appreciate what they have and are willing to be of service.  Awhile back, I sat down with my dear friends and colleagues, Ricardo Flores-Clar and Angela Woodrow for an amazing “Wise Parents, Wise Kids” video chat on this. 

We talked about fostering an “attitude of gratitude” and internalizing it.  Then we moved on to look at wonderful yet simple ideas for putting our gratefulness into action.   Listen in to hear, among other things, stories about a “High Five Fest”, a family in El Salvador who gives back to the homeless, and a magical moment when Angie’s kids invited their friends into their family gatherings.

“Gratitude should not just be a reaction to getting what you want, but an all-the-time gratitude, the kind where you notice the little things and where you constantly look for the good…”  --Marelisa Fabrega

Good habits become great traditions, fostering awareness and a spirit of gratitude.  If you do these things often enough, they become ingrained in who you are, even spreading outside the family to help make our world a better place.

I’ve got to say this is one of my favorite “Wise Parents, Wise Kids” video chats ever!  Not only will you come away with ideas, you’ll enjoy and feel inspired.  So grab your favorite beverage, a pen and paper, and JOIN US by clicking here:    http://bit.ly/2B8YvXX 

Celebrating Milestones

In our household we have some significant milestones to celebrate: graduation from college, successful job placements, and a wedding! As we start our 100 days of summer we will UNPLUG from electronics to enjoy these moments face to face.

Rest assured, these celebrations are a culmination of many "innings" in the "game of life." And these major, significant life events are occurring because those involved stayed committed to setting goals and working hard to modify and adjust as life and circumstances threw us some "curve balls." Our "team" had to dig deep and lean into the shared values, beliefs and long 7th inning stretches of unconditional love. When a curve ball changed our "at bat," we adjusted the plan, not our values or beliefs. On our "bench" were many friends and family to support and encourage us to stay in the game. 

Not every inning in life is a "home run." Often foul balls and strikeouts occur. Keeping the eye on the big picture (taking a long view) helps to get through the "innings" in life that are a challenge. When life plans are achieved, it is because resilient families plan, adjust and admit that practice comes before good enough and some form of perfect. Most importantly, the ability to "pinch hit" and laugh and love each other through all the phases and stages of the "game of life" makes the "home run" celebration season like the one we are experiencing, a real joy to share with all of the team. 

Mindful Gift Giving

By Guest Blogger Angela Woodrow

Wow, it is the middle of December already! And we are all just as busy as ever.  It seems to be that ‘busy’ is the new ‘normal’. That is why I love the "Rule of 4" as a way to model mindful gift giving for parents. The "Rule of 4" is easy to remember: 1 book, 1 item of clothing, one of something they want and one of something they need.

It is a simple concept that has been around for a while. I use the "Rule of 4" to help my larger family participate and help me as a parent model mindful gift giving. You can modify and adjust as you like…. you are smart and clever. This is for inspiration and motivation to continue to do the good you are doing!

Here are 2 easy steps to help you grasp how I use this rule in my family:

Step one:

You can talk with your children about the list and what it means to receive a gift from someone and also to help understand that just because it is on the list does not always mean that it will appear on the day. Over the years I have learned to have my children put two or three from each category on the list so that they learn to be happy with the gift they receive, even if it is not exactly what they were ‘dreaming of’.

Step two:

Of course, set a budget. That is very mindful.

In my family we are pretty darn good at making a list and sharing it. So, we use the rule of 4 for the larger family. It helps everyone feel like they have an opportunity to acknowledge each other without breaking the budget or each child ending up with their own complete toy store. One or two toys are enough. Beside, where to store it all after it has been unwrapped becomes a bigger issue at my house!

With technology we are able to post this gift list online and when a purchase is made we can see that the item has been purchased, but not by whom.  This  is nice for the element of delight and surprise—thank you Elfster (www.elfster.com)!  Knowing the gift has been purchased helps the person working the budget.

An aside: As a family, we work hard to communicate what works and what does not. This is a process that has evolved with the various ages and stages of my family. It takes time…and it is worth it to ask others to help you in the process of practicing mindful gift giving. (And if the truth is to be told, most are relieved to be able to ‘keep it simple’).

What to do about Santa:  We are big believers in the “Spirit of Santa”.  Over the years, ‘Santa’ has shifted from individual gifts for each child to delivering a family gift at our house and it usually covers almost everyone’s ‘want’ category pretty well.

Wishing you joy and peace as you navigate the next few weeks. May you and yours find time to just sit still and share time with each other. For sharing time together is one of the most precious gifts of all.

3 Important and Easy Ways to Foster Gratitude in Your Family

By Guest Blogger Angela Woodrow:

It is November….  a month to give pause and reflect on gratitude and gratefulness.

The dictionary defines the adjective ‘grateful’ as, “…feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful”.

The dictionary defines the noun ‘gratitude’ as, “…the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness”.

Practicing Gratitude and Gratefulness is an art and science. These are terms that get tossed around a lot. Fine-Tuned Families strives to give you useful tools and tips to help you parent smarter. So let’s break this down to thoughtful, useful nuggets to chew on:

The art is the practicing of the attribute; infusing it daily in to our lives meaningfully - not by automation.  The science is to know and recognize the action and to apply the action with thoughtful intention.

That is the theory behind how to Parent Smarter and live life by your design.  In our hearts and minds, we want our families to know and show gratitude. We want our families to be able to recognize and practice gratefulness.

Cultivating Gratefulness and Gratitude is a daily practice that, if forgotten or left to ‘automation’, grows weak or even worse, disappears.

Could you and your family increase your awareness and practice of gratitude and gratefulness this month? Think about this:  It only takes 3 weeks to make a new habit.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all ‘upped’ our gratitude quotient and began the New Year with a higher level of ‘gratitude competency’?

Here are three simple ways to increase your meaningful and intentional gratitude/gratefulness practice this month.  May it be a practice that continues with you and your family throughout the years to come!

1. Say ‘Thank You’…in complete sentences.

This is an important skill and element to ensure the practice is not an ‘empty habit’.

“Thank you for opening the door for me.”

“Thank you for bringing me my backpack, Mom.”

“Mark- thank you for picking up the extra ingredients at the grocery store today.”

Ask you family to make the effort to say ‘Thank you’ in complete sentences…watch and listen for the difference it makes.

2. Have a ‘Do Good Day’.

Target chores around the house the kids can earn money doing. The money they earn on that day goes to ‘sharing something with others’ - donating earned money to a food bank or homeless shelter or to another local community nonprofit.  Is money tight right now?  It does not have to be big or grandiose…the ‘Do Good Day‘ is meant to be sincere. Why not clean up and clear out the toys and books your kids have out grown and donate them to the local homeless shelter?

3. List out 5 things you appreciate or are grateful for each day.

The list can build on a sheet of paper taped to the wall. If you have one of those chalkboard walls allow your artists to record and decorate! Some families keep a gratitude journal. If life is really pulling you in 50 directions, post it notes made in the car that can be posted where all the family wash hands or hang coats is a great way to get started acknowledging your gratefulness!

Happy November, Happy Thanksgiving!  We wish you a Happy Fine-Tuned Family Journey!

Creating Christmas Calm

The Christmas season is a wonderful time of year for families, but it can also be pretty stressful and chaotic.  I’d like to share a simple idea to help you and your loved ones gain some peace and perspective on what to focus in the days ahead.

When my sons were in Boy Scouts, their troop had a practice to evaluate and improve how their campouts would run. They would gather and hold a “Stop, Start, Continue” discussion.  Here are the questions they’d discuss:

Continue – What did you like?  What do you want to keep doing?

Stop – What didn’t work so well?  What should we stop doing?

Start – What are some ideas to improve the way this runs and how much fun we have?

This approach can be applied throughout the year, but can be especially helpful during the busy holidays. Want to ensure you have a calm Christmas?

The simplest way to create calm is to:

STOP...multi tasking

Multi tasking IS NOT the way to create calm. Studies continue to show that multi-tasking drains energy and causes more stress than doing one or two simple things at a time.

Perhaps you are trying to put dinner on the table and read with your 1st grader...this is less than enjoyable for all. Set a timer and tell the little one you will read together...with nothing else going on for 20 minutes. Then you will focus on making dinner for 20 minutes. This is also known as setting boundaries. Help everyone in your family be calm by respecting boundaries and stopping the multi-tasking myth.

STOP the multi-tasking.  All of these things are not equally urgent - do what is important and let things go until later—or ask for some help. 

 

START with the end in mind:  What do you want “Bake Christmas cookies” to really look and feel like? Are you going for “Martha Stewart cookies” or would three-dozen cookies the same shape with three different colors of sugar sprinkled on the top be okay?  If you need a showstopper, have you allotted enough time and other resources to complete the task? 

 

CONTINUE to lavish love, create memories, and remember to BREATHE!

You may even consider creating a quiet night: Create one by turning off the electronics and reading a story together, like the story of Jesus’s birth or the classic story ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’.

Using soft jingle bells taps into the season and allows little ones (and big ones) to learn how to control sounds. For tweens and teens: ask them to commit to a silent night. No electronics - focus on playing a game, doing a puzzle, reading silently in a room together. If your home can accommodate it, create a fire in the fireplace and encourage all to sit and listen to the snap crackle and pop.

Thinking through your holiday celebrations using the “Stop, Start, Continue” approach, what changes might you want to make in your family’s lives?  What might your family members suggest?

Christmas and other holiday celebrations don’t have to be chaotic and overwhelming. Follow the “Stop, Start, Continue” approach this holiday season and help your family Christmas to be calm.

Overcoming Conflict at Family Gatherings

Summer is well underway. We are headed out to visit our extended family. If you are like us, we tend to stay up late, visit a lot and eat way too much food!

During summer, we have opportunities for great get-togethers with the extended family. Swim parties, barbecues, family reunions, picnics - the possibilities are endless.

With multiple generations and all the different personalities, conflict may seem inevitable - but it isn't! I recently appeared as a guest on the Texas Conflict Radio show. Pattie Porter, the Texas Conflict Coach and I explored easy and effective ways to avoid conflict at the many extended family gatherings we will have this summer. Please listen to it, take notes if you like and contact me with any questions or comments.


Click on the link to the radio program web page and listen to the show. (If the link does not work, copy and paste it into your browser.)

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/texas-conflict-coach

Yes, Our Kids Do Grow Up!

We've had a wonderful celebration two weeks ago - my oldest son, Jeffrey, graduated from high school! My father and sisters joined my family of five for the graduation ceremony and days of celebrating and visiting.

We are very proud of the fine young man Jeffrey has become. Jeffrey has a kind heart, a great sense of humor and is very smart. He is heading off to Blinn College for a year or two and then finishing up at Texas A&M University. He has all the internal drive and skills necessary to succeed in life and I'm sure he will.

I want to encourage you as a parent that we can all still raise awesome kids. Yes, things can get bumpy along the way. Know that honing your parenting skills and learning how to parent each child where he or she is can yield the best of results. Believe me, NOW is the time to learn how to help your child succeed in life, so get started and good luck!

Coming up for air

We've just finished getting my kiddos back in school. The summer was fast and wonderful and we wished somehow we could add another couple of weeks to it.

The first week of school went well. My kids are older now, so they can take the lead on gathering school supplies (once I've bought them) and loading them into binders and backpacks. Thankfully, each day of that important first week, each of my sons had something funny or positive to share. We wrapped up the week as a family with a special meal and had fun playing board games. Watching for opportunities to mark the start and end of events - like the end of a great summer or the successful start of a new year - brings us closer as a family and helps us celebrate life.